Epic Sh*t My Patients Say

K: Alright, mister! I’ve got your antibiotic to give you.
Pt: Why don’t you just give me your hand in marriage! You’d make a great third wife and you’re not married, so let’s go!
K: How do you know I’m not married? I have gloves on!
Pt: I scoped it out earlier…. I’m one of those… Ah, I can’t remember the word…!!!! Someone who follows you….
K: Stalker?
Pt: YES!!!!! I’m typically a stalker.
K: I see, interesting…! *simultaneously flips over ID badge*